Suit up and Shut up...

This is a phrase I learned in a Lifeline Chaplaincy training seminar I took awhile back. The idea is to take our visits to the sick and hurting seriously enough to dress up for the occasion and while there to listen to them instead of talking the whole time. I broke both of those rules on Tuesday night but I felt justified because of the situation. I was going to visit an old friend whom Debbie and I love dearly. He is in an extended care facility due to advanced Alzheimers (wild guess on that spelling). I called his wife in advance to see if there was anything in particular I could do for him. She recommended a gift of ice cream, the only thing he will eat, and the gift of gab....'just talk to him about anything even though he probably won't respond'. Since this was my only visit for the night I left the house dressed as I was, which is sloppy. I stopped at a drive-through for a milk shake and made my way to see my friend. I found this dear old man sitting on the edge of his bed with his hands folded in his lap staring at the floor. He looked up and grabbed my hand as if he had been waiting for me! This encouraged me since I didn't know what to expect....then he told me how sorry he was to hear of the death of my wife....to any who don't know, my wife is alive, well, and currently softly snoring in our bed. After he gave his condolences, he folded his hands in his lap and resumed looking at the floor. I tried everything I learned during my pastoral training to get through to him but nothing I did caused eye contact. He never looked up, even when I offered to sing!!! Finally, I thought of the only thing I know how to do somewhat effectively. I told him a story. It was a good story too. I laughed at it myself....I was the only one laughing. There was no response from my friend. After a while I shut up and just sat with him. I love this man and his wife and all I could do for them was to sit quietly. Ten minutes or so passed when there was a scream from the room across the hall. The patient decided she didn't want any care from her nurse and told her in no uncertain terms to "GET THE XXXX OUT OF MY ROOM AND LEAVE ME ALONE!". My friend slowly looked up, pointed across the hall, then pointed at me....I got the message....hey, at least we communicated.