Sleep tips...

I felt really good when I woke up this morning. I actually woke before the alarm went off. I mean I REALLY slept well.


I have found the secret to a good night’s sleep and I’ll share it with you if you’re interested. The first step to a great night of sleep is to stand in front of the mirror and stare at your body until you have convinced yourself you do indeed still look sexy without any clothes on. During this time of positive thinking, take several pills from the cabinet and swallow them with a minimal amount of water. Don’t be concerned about what the pills are for. If you didn’t need them they wouldn’t have been prescribed. If you swallow them with too much water you will be awakened during the night with an uncontrollable urge to pee. This is not helpful to sound sleep.

The second really important thing to do is prepare for sleep. I try to not watch a bunch of dramatic shows on television before I go to bed. I recommend reading for a few minutes or playing on the computer to unwind. If you’re so inclined and possess the talent, as I do, you may choose to strum the guitar. This has been found to sooth your mate into a sound sleep as well. My wife immediately covers her head with a pillow and doesn’t move. She must be soundly asleep.

Third, I always hook up my breathing machine. I love my breathing machine. I no longer suffer from sleep apnea and my wife no longer suffers from my snoring. I highly recommend everyone get his or her own breathing machine.

The fourth step to a good night’s sleep is to make sure the TMJ jaw splint is firmly in place. Of course you can’t talk after this is installed so be sure and whisper those sweet nothings to your loved one before installing it. I have found the jaw splint to be very helpful in stopping my tongue gnawing. That is very painful and not an inducement to sound sleep.

Be sure you never miss step five in my list of sleep aid instructions. This step involves firmly placing those nylon wrist supports to both wrists. This keeps you from bending your hands in uncomfortable positions creating pain and possible carpel tunnel damage. If you have supports for your knees put them on as well. The look is quite stunning and will invite welcoming comments from your spouse.

After all this I recommend you give your spouse “The Look”. You know the look. Even if the splint is already in your mouth and the breathing mask covers your face, do not fail to give your mate the look. Say something sexy like, “hmmphf hoffwluf”. This will give your mate the chance to say something back to you concerning the weather conditions in hell. After this response you can go restfully to sleep without wondering if you passed up a good chance for some fooling around.

If you have other questions, please feel free to give me a call. Call before 8 pm.